fer the guys

1. How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be open by the time she brings it.
2. Why is a laundromat a bad place to pick up women? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
3. Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
4. How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't, there's a clock on the oven.
5. Why do men break wind more than women? Because women don't shutup long enough to build up the required pressure.
6. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front, who do you let in first?
The dog of course, he'll shut up once you let him in.
7. What's worse than a male chauvanist pig? A woman who won't do as she's told.
8. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
9. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months: I don't like to interrupt her.
10. Scientist have discovered a food that diminishes a women sex drive up to 90%, it's called a wedding cake.
11. Marriage is a 3 ring circus. Engagement ring, Wedding ring, Suffering.
12. Our last fight was my fault, my wife asked "What's on TV "?, I said dust!
13. Why do men die before their wives? Because they want to.
14. A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman on Rodeo drive and said "I haven't eaten in three days" She looks at him and says " God I wish I had your willpower".
15. Young son:"Dad is it true in Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her"? Dad: That happens in all countries son."
16. The most effective way to remember your wifes birthday is to forget it once.
17. Women will never be equal to a man until they can walk down the street with a bald head a beer belly and still think they're beautiful.
18. A man put an ad in the paper "Wife Wanted" the next day he receives over a hundred replies all saying the same thing,...."You can have mine"!