the kennettator?

so tex and i have made a habit of going to Nick N Willy's once a week. i think part of it is because we always walk outta there with a buy a pizza, get a caddilac free coupon, or something like that. it's also because it's just outstanding pizza and the service kicks ass. the manager, who's name i've forgotten, always makes a point of walking over to our table and harassing me that i don't try anything new and eat the same pizza every time.

manager: no tomatoes?
me: how'd you guess?

Honestly, the company at our table is welcomed, because we realize that she cares and she wants us to come back again next week and since tex and i have nothing to talk about except how stupid he looks in his glasses, we invite the interruption. so when we were there today, i jokingly made a comment wondering why, after all the free pizzas we'd been eating there, they hadn't named a pizza after us. i halfway expected to have her tell me to piss off and pay for my goddamned pizza next time or forcefeed me the entire jar of red pepper flakes (which wouldn't be altogether that bad), but she didn't.

"what do you want to call it?" she asks and tex comes up with some lame idea using my last name which could quite possibly be the reason i never got laid as a teen. what the fuck is so exciting about the name Smith? exactly.

i considered calling it the 'LBG special', but i didn't feel like spending the time explaining that my alter-ego was a lilblackgirl and then maybe have to go thru the entire red pepper scenario again. so i give her my first name which she stumbles over as all people do, including my own parents and she comes up with the kennettator.

"Just come in on monday, give me the name, and we'll run a special after you and your pizza of choice which is the roman feta pesto pizza with no tomatoes and enough red pepper flakes to kill a moose. i'm not suggesting they put the moose part in the description of the kennettator, but it could be beneficial to put a warning that you'll be taking your own life in your hands by eating said pizza.

so now i'm plagued with being THAT guy and going in on monday and living my 15 minutes or just be content that should the need arise to feed my ego, i'll have the chance to clear out the sinuses of at least a dozen people daring enough to eat something that sounds like it's named after a throwback from 80's cinema.