one year

it's hard to believe i've been mouthing off here for a year now. it's even harder to believe that an entire year has passed. it only feels like 11.5 months. my life has changed pretty drastically since then to, but i'm not gonna get all mushy and shit about it. and if you think i'm gonna, grab a spoon.

wanna make your skin crawl?

click here

fallen off the wagon or just drug behind it

i have this dependency, not unlike an alcohol or tobacco dependancy, that after about 4 months of being on the wagon for, i've fallen off. and i've fallen a long way.

Hi, my name is LBG, and i'm a seed-a-holic. yup, laugh all you want, but almost nothing beats the sensation of having a wad of sunflower seeds stuffed back in your cheek, cracking and spitting them, savoring the delicious meat inside and needing that salt fix. it's horrible and it's messy (see Jim Carrey in Ace Ventura) and it makes me drink a lot of water and spend a lot of time in the bathroom, tinkling.

i'd given it up almost four months ago because i was afraid i was consuming to much salt, but the urges were to much and i'm back eating them, even as we speak.

now, talk about being drug behind the wagon?
it sounds painful and it is, so this is one wagon i won't fall off of - smoking. not cigarettes (bubblegum or otherwise), but cigars. friday night was a beautiful night and i took shithead out for a long walk and decided to smoke a cigar i had left over from my camping trip the previous weekend. a nice 45 minute walk and then to sit on the patio and finish it off while watching my new copy of the shinning (it's digitally remastered!). cigars and jack, does it get any better? i didn't think so until i climed into bed and felt like ralphing all over the place. ugh!

so, the next night, Any and i have a double date. With Stacy and her best friend, Greta, whom Any has the hots for. we let the girls pick our destination and we ended up at Al Amir's, a Lebanese restaurant and bar. none of us were really hungry, but wanted drinks and the place is known for it's belly dancers on friday and saturday nights and also for it's hooka pipes. the four of us settle at a table in the bar and order drinks and on our second round, order a pipe. Any and i suddenly look at each other and start quoting Animal House (do you mind if we dance wif your dates?...if i were you, i'd be...LEAVING! what a great idea!). the pipe stands about 3.5 feet above our table and we decided on a melon flavored tobacco. having smoked cigarettes and weed in my life, i know what a smoking buzz feels like and this was just plain bizarre. three heavy drags off the pipe and you are manhandled by a buzz that hits quick and hard and then is gone about 3-4 minutes later. in that 3-4 minutes, you feel as if you've lost complete control of yourself. sometimes in a good way, sometimes in a bad way. i'm certain our drinks weren't helping, but it's an odd feeling.

as the night progressed, we were entertained by a belly dancer who did a wonderful job and then, eventually, the place turned into a dance club and we happened to be sitting right by the stage. the music was loud and techno and good, but after a while, it was a bit much. we decided on somewhere quieter and while Any and I payed the bill, the girls took to the dance floor.

our ride to the new location prompted a call from Greta, who had met us at Al Amir on her own and the conversation was something like

Stacy: ...yeah, that was a lot of fun...yeah, just keep following us, we should be there soon...hey, no problem, we were happy you could join us. (stacy hangs up)She said to say thanks to us and that she's going to thank Any later...

hehehehe, well, i guess Any exchanged digits with Greta and maybe more is to come. we all hope so.

They look at me and see a loser

Except that guy with the lazy eye... He sees a loser and a snack machine.

i was checking out the IMDB information on Family Guy and started reading some of the quotes. I couldn't resist. this shit really makes me laugh.

Stewie Griffin: [after Brian cries hysterically] I guess now we know what kind of dog he is. A "melancollie".
[no response]
Stewie Griffin: Oh wait. I should have said "chi wa-wa".
[still no response]
Stewie Griffin: I don't have to [beep] impress you!
-------------------------------------------
Lois Griffin: Why don't you take Joe caroling?
Peter Griffin: Yeah, that'd be as fun as a lecture on ontological empiricism.
Lois Griffin: What?
Peter Griffin: What?
-------------------------------------------
Chris Griffin: You should invent the frisbee! The frisbee is an awesome toy!
Meg Griffin: The frisbee's already been invented.
Chris Griffin: Then how come I've never heard of it?
-------------------------------------------
[Lois is washing Stewie's hair in the sink]
Stewie Griffin: Careful! You're washing a baby's scalp, not scrubbing the vomit out of a Christmas dress, you stupid holiday drunk.
-------------------------------------------
[watching Cricket on British TV]
Peter Griffin: What the hell is he talking about?
Englishman: Oh, it's Cricket. Marvelous game, really. You see, the bowler hurls the ball toward the batter who tries to play away a fine leg. He endeavors to score by dashing between the creases, provided the wicket keeper hasn't whipped his bails off, of course.
Peter Griffin: Anybody get that?
Cleveland: The only British idiom I know is that "fag" means "cigarette."
Peter Griffin: Well, someone tell this "cigarette" to shut up.
-------------------------------------------
Meg Griffin: Guess what I am.
Stewie Griffin: Hmm, let me see. The end result of a drunken backseat gropefest and a damaged prophylactic?
-------------------------------------------
[Peter saw Lois in a coffee shop talking with her old college boyfriend]
Peter Griffin: I saw you in that coffee shop, breaking the fifth commandment. Congress passes these things for a reason, Lois.
-------------------------------------------
["Hollywood Squares" parody]
Contestant: I'll take the dying boy to block.
Tom Bergeron: Ok, Jeremy... is there anything lower than absolute zero?
Jeremy: Uhh, yeah... my white cell count.
-------------------------------------------
Peter Griffin: You all know how observant I am.
TV Announcer: And now back to Star Trek.
Peter Griffin: Holy crap. Uhura's black?
-------------------------------------------
Brian Griffin: Peter, only one gift was for charity. The rest were for the family.
Peter Griffin: No, the rest were FROM the family... weren't they? Aw crap, since when did they change the meaning of "for" to "from"?
Brian Griffin: I think they had a meeting about it last night.
Peter Griffin: Why wasn't I told?
Brian Griffin: They sent you a card, but it said 'For Peter' on it, so you must have thought it was FROM you, so you didn't uh... You know, it's just easier to call you stupid.
-------------------------------------------
[on being the First Lady of "Petoria"]
Lois Griffin: I'll be just like Hillary Clinton, only you know, without the penis.
-------------------------------------------
[Brian is sitting next to a woman, panting]
Woman: Pervert.
Brian Griffin: Oh, don't flatter yourself, honey; I don't have any sweat glands.
-------------------------------------------
Guy in chicken costume: The world is gonna end at midnight tonight. Y2K.
Peter Griffin: Y2K? What are you selling, chicken or sex jelly?
-------------------------------------------
[Peter is watching a beer commercial]
Announcer: Paw McTucket Beer. If you drink it, hot women will have sex in your backyard.
-------------------------------------------
Meg Griffin: Can I be in the play, Mom?
Stewie Griffin: Oh yes, you can be the dumpy teenage girl who cries backstage because no one finds her attractive.
-------------------------------------------
[hitting on a girl waiting in line for a roller coaster]
Glen Quagmire: Hello there. You must be *this* beautiful to ride the Quagmire.
-------------------------------------------
Lois: You see Meg, I'm like one of those Bald eagles on the Discovery Channel. Beautiful to look at... but mess with one of my baby chicks and I'll use my razor-sharp talons to rip your
[oven dings] ... ing eyes out. Cookies are done. Who wants chocolate chip?
-------------------------------------------
Psychiatrist: Does Stewie have a history of violence?
Lois Griffin: Oh no, this is Stewie's first violent act.
Stewie Griffin: Actually, my first violent act involved that ticking time bomb that I left in your uterus when I left. Happy 50th Birthday, Lois.
-------------------------------------------
[Quagmire is talking to a woman from New York]
Glen Quagmire: Hey there little lady. Why don't you turn around and show me your Lower East Side.
Woman (in deep voice): Sure.
Glen Quagmire: Whoa. Transvestite, back off. Wait a minute... pre-op or post-op?
Woman: Pre-op.
Glen Quagmire: Whoa. Transvestite, back off.
-------------------------------------------
Peter Griffin: Hey, What's His Name?
Al Gore: Dick Army
Peter Griffin: Phhhhh, ha ha ha ha. No Seriously What Is It?
Al Gore: Dick Army
Peter Griffin: Phhhhh, ha ha ha ha. Hey Dick, What's Your Wife's Name? Vagina Coastguard?
-------------------------------------------
[Stewie is sitting in between Meg and Peter dressed like a prostitute]
Stewie: [to Meg] It's eerie, isn't it. Like looking into the future.

and one of my favorites -

Peter Griffin: Maybe it's because I can recite all 50 states in a quarter of a second. Ahh!
Lois Griffin: That was just a loud yelping noise

driving in dallas

this is an oldie, but still makes me laugh.

• First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is DAL-US, not DAL-ISS
• Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Dallas has its own version of traffic rules..."Hold on and pray". There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Dallas. We all drive like that.
• All directions start with, "Get on Beltline"... which has no beginning and no end.
• The morning rush hour is from 6 to 10. The evening rush hour is from 3 to 7. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
• If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot. When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.
• Construction on Central Expressway is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. We had so much fun with that, we have added George Bush Freeway and the High Five to the mix.
• All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Fort Worth."
• If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect. Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators.
• All old ladies with blue hair in Mercedes have the right of way. PERIOD.
• Inwood Road, Plano Road, NW Highway, East Grand, Garland Road, Marsh Lane, Josey Lane, 15th Street, Preston Road... all mysteriously change names as you cross intersections (these are only a FEW examples). The perfect example is what is MOSTLY known as Plano Road. On the South end it is known as Lake Highlands Drive, cross Northwest Highway and it becomes Plano Road, go about 8 miles and it is briefly Greenville Ave, Ave. K, and Highway 5. It ends in Sherman, TX.
• If asking directions in Irving or SE Dallas, you must have knowledge of Spanish. If in central Richardson or on Harry Hines, Mandarin Chinese will be your best bet. If you stop to ask directions on Gaston or Live Oak, you better be armed.
• A trip across town (east to west) will take a minimum of four hours, although many north/south freeways have an unposted minimum speed of 75.
• The minimum acceptable speed on the Dallas North Toll Road is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy.
• It is possible to be driving WEST in the NORTH-bound lane of EAST NORTHWEST Highway. Don't let this confuse you.
• The North Dallas Toll Way is our daily version of NASCAR. It also ends in Sherman.
• LBJ Freeway is called "The Death Trap" for two reasons: "death" and "trap".
• If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend. if it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, the Fort Worth Stock Show is going on.
• If it's rained 6 inches in the last hour, and it is Spring, the Byron Nelson Golf Classic is in the second round; f it is Fall, the Texas State Fair is going on.
• If you go to the Fair, pay the $5.00 to park INSIDE Fair Park. Parking elsewhere could cost up to $2500 for damages, towing fees, parking tickets, etc. if some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his 'yard',run over him.
• All amusement parks, stadiums, arenas, race tracks, airports, etc., are conveniently located as far away from EVERYTHING as possible so as to allow for ample parking on grassy areas.
• With these simple rules in mind, you are now ready to drive in Dallas.

Please try and keep up.

mission impossible: conclave

yeah, it sounds like a movie. or the next installment in the mortal kombat series.

in the not to distant future, a small group of people gather to decide the fate of the world. mankind has fallen to corruption, sin and religious unrest. it's up to these 115 men to find a new hero to help reestablish the moral fiber that holds this dying world together...

ok, so maybe that's a little over the top, but since this has only happened one other time in my life, that i don't even remember, this is actually pretty cool.

listening to the news this morning, it was explained that these 115 men are locked up in a Best Western forever how long it takes to decide on a new Pope. in the past, as now, the men reside to the area in the Vatican's Sistine Chapel and stay there until the pope is elected into office, or something like that. the struggle is to now elect a pope that understands the world, but the quarrel is over finding someone that not only can lead the catholic church but still understand other world religions and communicate successfully with each. rumors, according to broadcasts i've listened to, indicate that the next pope could be african or south american. following up after Paul II can't be an easy thing to do.

so once they're locked up away from the world, free of influence from the outside world, the decide. they are blocked from all types of media from the world; tv, radio, printed and the vatican has even been outfitted with anti-bugging and surveillance devices (helping the lord work in mysterious ways). prior to the makeover of Best Western Rome that they reside in, the area was, till this day, a medievil sort of outfit without running water or electricity so as to allow those to focus on the task at hand.

i guess the world is hoping that a new pope will be elected within the next 7 days, but we may have to wait. the record was 3 years at one time. imagine the state of anxiety this created.


and they're off! the dude in the red robe takes the lead as the guy in the big white hat gains. santa clause and 'rusty nail' trail in 3rd...

stuff

• for any battlefield lovers out there, a new set of delicious looking pics from BF2 have been posted here.
• ocean's 12 - don't bother. not only was it overly convoluted, but it was just stupid. and dull. imagine that; dull and convoluted in the same line.
• do though, bother with Sahara. a really fun pic and McConouwhatever gets my vote for the next round of Indy pics. Penelope in the film . . . not so good to look at. a real shame.
• i want one, but going from $30 a month in gas to $200 a month in gas has curbed my hunger just a bit.
• caught a Dallas Desperados game last saturday night with Stacy and Russell. had the most fun i've had in ages. first game and we got endzone tickets in the handicapped section (only two people in chairs, so the rest of the seats were open to sell), so we were able to stretch and walk around (ok, i'm starting to sound like a real bastard). we caught a gameball on a field goal kick and got put on the jumbo tron. all of that with coooooollllllld beer, get yer cooooollllld beer, nachos and peanuts, oh, and cotton candy and the first tie game in desparado history. wow. oh, and did i mention the dancers?
• going camping this weekend with a couple of buddies. headed to the wilderness that is oklahoma for an evening of steaks, whiskey and cigars. a much needed break away from the city and noise. asked Any to go knowing his appreciation for men, but i guess he's working.
• finally quit WOW. hadn't played in a month and was bored of the game. longest i've ever played a MMORPG, but i knew it'd come to an end. but i am chest deep in God of War which is possibly the best game of this year. no joke. if you have a ps2, buy this game now. you won't be disappointed. if you don't own a ps2, rent one and play the game. and if that vague description doesn't entice you, it's got lots of nekkid titties in it. every woman in the game is topless and they've all got bolt-ons. no fucking joke. i've also been playing (you know i can't just play one game at a time) Champions of Norrath to appease my RPG needs. not to far into it, but it's based on the everquest line, so hopefully i'll enjoy it. if not, it was only $17, so i just won't eat dinner tonight.
• just a little over a month . . .

icky fly on the eyeball

the official site for Aeon Flux is open and even though it doesn't have a whole lot of information, it's got a really cool intro.

wicked cool

check out this preview of Nightwatch.

looks kinda trippy

it's first base! no, it's an insignia

the new (rather, slightly redesigned) Superman insignia is available for viewing here. Updated for the film that Brian Singer (X-Men) is directing.


and in a related note, Christian Bale, now the Dark Knight, has been quoted as saying that after this summer's Batman film, there are two more in the wings and a final "Batman vs. Superman" film that we've all been waiting for. woot!

who you calling a Ho?
it's been confirmed that another Bubba Ho Tep film is in the works and will be led, once again, by the man, Bruce Campbell. This time around, it's Bubba Nosferatu: Curse of the She Vampire. it's being written by Joe Landsdale, the author of the original story from which the first BHT script was written. More elvis sightings.

maybe i shoulda called this Movies from a LBG . . .

updates, complete

i've been making updates to Dobra for the last 6 months or so. hadn't brought up any pics as of late, but here's a nice littles back shot of her. new Hard Krome pipes, Looney solo seat and some misc. chrome. she's loud and low and fun to ride.