They look at me and see a loser

Except that guy with the lazy eye... He sees a loser and a snack machine.

i was checking out the IMDB information on Family Guy and started reading some of the quotes. I couldn't resist. this shit really makes me laugh.

Stewie Griffin: [after Brian cries hysterically] I guess now we know what kind of dog he is. A "melancollie".
[no response]
Stewie Griffin: Oh wait. I should have said "chi wa-wa".
[still no response]
Stewie Griffin: I don't have to [beep] impress you!
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Lois Griffin: Why don't you take Joe caroling?
Peter Griffin: Yeah, that'd be as fun as a lecture on ontological empiricism.
Lois Griffin: What?
Peter Griffin: What?
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Chris Griffin: You should invent the frisbee! The frisbee is an awesome toy!
Meg Griffin: The frisbee's already been invented.
Chris Griffin: Then how come I've never heard of it?
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[Lois is washing Stewie's hair in the sink]
Stewie Griffin: Careful! You're washing a baby's scalp, not scrubbing the vomit out of a Christmas dress, you stupid holiday drunk.
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[watching Cricket on British TV]
Peter Griffin: What the hell is he talking about?
Englishman: Oh, it's Cricket. Marvelous game, really. You see, the bowler hurls the ball toward the batter who tries to play away a fine leg. He endeavors to score by dashing between the creases, provided the wicket keeper hasn't whipped his bails off, of course.
Peter Griffin: Anybody get that?
Cleveland: The only British idiom I know is that "fag" means "cigarette."
Peter Griffin: Well, someone tell this "cigarette" to shut up.
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Meg Griffin: Guess what I am.
Stewie Griffin: Hmm, let me see. The end result of a drunken backseat gropefest and a damaged prophylactic?
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[Peter saw Lois in a coffee shop talking with her old college boyfriend]
Peter Griffin: I saw you in that coffee shop, breaking the fifth commandment. Congress passes these things for a reason, Lois.
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["Hollywood Squares" parody]
Contestant: I'll take the dying boy to block.
Tom Bergeron: Ok, Jeremy... is there anything lower than absolute zero?
Jeremy: Uhh, yeah... my white cell count.
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Peter Griffin: You all know how observant I am.
TV Announcer: And now back to Star Trek.
Peter Griffin: Holy crap. Uhura's black?
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Brian Griffin: Peter, only one gift was for charity. The rest were for the family.
Peter Griffin: No, the rest were FROM the family... weren't they? Aw crap, since when did they change the meaning of "for" to "from"?
Brian Griffin: I think they had a meeting about it last night.
Peter Griffin: Why wasn't I told?
Brian Griffin: They sent you a card, but it said 'For Peter' on it, so you must have thought it was FROM you, so you didn't uh... You know, it's just easier to call you stupid.
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[on being the First Lady of "Petoria"]
Lois Griffin: I'll be just like Hillary Clinton, only you know, without the penis.
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[Brian is sitting next to a woman, panting]
Woman: Pervert.
Brian Griffin: Oh, don't flatter yourself, honey; I don't have any sweat glands.
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Guy in chicken costume: The world is gonna end at midnight tonight. Y2K.
Peter Griffin: Y2K? What are you selling, chicken or sex jelly?
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[Peter is watching a beer commercial]
Announcer: Paw McTucket Beer. If you drink it, hot women will have sex in your backyard.
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Meg Griffin: Can I be in the play, Mom?
Stewie Griffin: Oh yes, you can be the dumpy teenage girl who cries backstage because no one finds her attractive.
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[hitting on a girl waiting in line for a roller coaster]
Glen Quagmire: Hello there. You must be *this* beautiful to ride the Quagmire.
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Lois: You see Meg, I'm like one of those Bald eagles on the Discovery Channel. Beautiful to look at... but mess with one of my baby chicks and I'll use my razor-sharp talons to rip your
[oven dings] ... ing eyes out. Cookies are done. Who wants chocolate chip?
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Psychiatrist: Does Stewie have a history of violence?
Lois Griffin: Oh no, this is Stewie's first violent act.
Stewie Griffin: Actually, my first violent act involved that ticking time bomb that I left in your uterus when I left. Happy 50th Birthday, Lois.
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[Quagmire is talking to a woman from New York]
Glen Quagmire: Hey there little lady. Why don't you turn around and show me your Lower East Side.
Woman (in deep voice): Sure.
Glen Quagmire: Whoa. Transvestite, back off. Wait a minute... pre-op or post-op?
Woman: Pre-op.
Glen Quagmire: Whoa. Transvestite, back off.
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Peter Griffin: Hey, What's His Name?
Al Gore: Dick Army
Peter Griffin: Phhhhh, ha ha ha ha. No Seriously What Is It?
Al Gore: Dick Army
Peter Griffin: Phhhhh, ha ha ha ha. Hey Dick, What's Your Wife's Name? Vagina Coastguard?
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[Stewie is sitting in between Meg and Peter dressed like a prostitute]
Stewie: [to Meg] It's eerie, isn't it. Like looking into the future.

and one of my favorites -

Peter Griffin: Maybe it's because I can recite all 50 states in a quarter of a second. Ahh!
Lois Griffin: That was just a loud yelping noise