Must not sees

i made a promise a couple of months ago in a post that i would occasionally review films since i'm such a huge fan and i've let you all down on that. bad dog!

so, lemme give you a couple of head's ups for some films i've seen recently.
AVP - don't waste your money. i was a huge fan of both franchise's originals, so undoubtedly, i was looking forward to seeing what they could do with this. the AVP video games had been released a few years ago and were decent games. FPS games where you could play the role of alien, predator or marine. good graphics, just not very memorable games other than they had a good creep factor. i was pretty stoked about hearing they were making it into a movie and even more so that my boy, Lance Henrikson, was staring in a leading role. He played Bishop in the second and third Alien movies. Well, i went and saw it on saturday night and the only time i like that much cheese is with my ranch style beans. suddenly, the alien race that's being entombed 2000 feet below the ice is the fat red headed kid on the playground that always gets the dodgeball chucked at him first. and the alien and the humans become best buddies cause they made matching wooden paddles together in woodshop. it's just to much to expect and you've seen some of the films on my list. i've got a reach that'd make a hooker jealous.

the bourne supremacy - have i discussed this already? 3 words - bring your dramamine. Franka's gorgeous as usual and Matt Damon is convincing once again as a secret agent.

the village - saw it coming. saw it coming before my butt hit the seat. half assed acting, good mood, his worst yet. M Night needs to do a Disney film or something family oriented and then remember what good, tense thrillers are about. or let someone else write his scripts.

and some rentals...
Mystic River - this has been sitting on my coffee table for a month cause i haven't been in the mood to be depressed. so these guys can act and Clint finally did a pretty good job directing, but this wasn't as depressing as i expected it to be. i used to really enjoy films like this when i was into the artsy thing, but i think i've been desensitized to the anguish and tortue that the world has fed me. i'm guilty for it just as it is for feeding itself to me, but it just didn't grab me. was it oscar calibre? possible, but i thought the first resident evil film was too, so that just shows what i know.

secret window - crap, complete crap. johnny depp has made a name for himself because he never chooses mainstream roles for himself and because he's just a good actor. i loved him in Pirates and i'll even admit that Chocolat was well done. but this...total crap. it was almost as if he'd run outta cash and needed a quick, mindless role. or maybe he was trying to make up with America after his shitty little comments about us and Mr. Bush. either way, Stephen King books have almost never translated well onto the big screen (or the small screen for that matter) and this was no exception. i saw fight club and i like that. and you sir, you are no fight club...

monster - turned it off halfway thru cause it was so fucking horrible, i had to put on family guy and laugh a little. charlize theron was convincing as a white trash hooker and this film made me jumpy in ways that ben stiller never could. i felt uncomfortable watching it, so i just didn't.