why does it have to be so fucking hot in texas?

i'm a native texan and proud of it. i've lived here 33+years of my 35 year history and i'll never move away. it's not a "mary jean jo johnson and me is gonna raise lil chirrens here in East Jesus till our ship come in with tha lottery, but i'll continue to cash mah welfare checks from that freak bandsaw accident 13 years ago" reason for never moving away, it's just that i'm proud to be a texan. you mention texas to someone on the other side of the world and they know what it's about.

lbg: i'm from texas, ever heard of it?
gregori: ah, yes, you ride horses to school and someone told me that JR just got shot, no?

ok, so it's not ideal and there is a stereotype attached to being a texan, but it's better than:

lbg: i'm from south dakota, ever heard of it?
gregori: who?

and don't ask me why i'm proud to be a texan, i just am. it's not any different than being from somewhere else or being proud of something else, we're just texans.

but getting to the point (it was bound to happen sooner or later), i'm wondering why texas is so fucking hot? now, i've gotten used to it and i crave it when it hits 75 degrees and we all start breaking out our parkas and building fires in our homes, but in the scale of the world, we're just a coupla yards north of the equator, and isn't everything south supposed to be hot? wouldn't the title 'north america' at least give you a cooler feel? it's mid june and it's getting close to hitting 100 degrees which isn't bad as july and august and even the first half of september will make june weather pale in comparison.

look, charlie just burst into flames again...

and i know i've mentioned this before, but who gives a damn if it's dry or wet heat. i've only known wet heat my whole life, but at 109, who fucking cares? have you ever seen what 109 degree weather does to a bald man's head? i have. every friggin day of the summer. we can hard boil eggs in the local community pools.

and now that i have a bike, and safety being of importance, i need to wear a long sleeved shirt or a jacket and a helmet, so this should just make my days dreamy.

john: uh, kennett, you get caught in a freak rainstorm on the way to work?
me: uh yeah, with my helmet and jacket on, jackass.

i don't really have a point here (it's just reaching that point of the summer where it's time to bitch again about the heat), other than the fact that i'd love a cherry slurpee right about now.